I woke up at 6:05 am this morning. I could hear a steady flow of cold November rain. I didn’t need to open the curtains to know that the sky was as grey as a pair of old school socks. Dreary mornings usually cause me to grind my way through a few Negro Spirituals or at least sway along to Old Man River … but this morning I was happy. I almost sung “Save all your kisses for me” but it is fairly easy to get sectioned these days so I kept it to myself. I had no idea why I woke up feeling this way but I liked it.
I Love Gordon
My wife eyed me suspiciously and refused to put the kettle on until I admitted what I was up to. I took a deep breath and no one was more surprised than me, when I blurted out: “I’m in love with Gordon Brown”. Like I said, it’s easy to get sectioned these days, so I left the house pronto.
I went to bed loathing the man. Why wouldn’t you loathe a man who was responsible for war, bankruptcy and the nanny state? I know what you’re thinking … Gordon Brown has obviously gone to phase two of his surveillance program and is now using lasers to brainwash the population. Maybe so, but my love sure feels real.
Just pretend for a minute, that I have not been zapped by the secret Nanny-state-a-scope and hear me out.
We live in a world of selfishness and greed. MP’s are on the fiddle and entire industries have been brought down by bosses whose only consideration is the size of their own wallet. People spend money they don’t have and default without the slightest twinge of guilt. The population has somehow managed to associate poor old Gordon with this behaviour but is that fair? He is not rich and he clearly doesn’t give two hoots about the trappings of wealth. His suits are ready made and he has never availed himself of a single free holiday. He has never used his status to climb the property ladder, on the back of ‘you scratch my back’ loans. It is well known that when he retires, he will be as poor as a church mouse. I know love is blind but I still have to conclude that Gordon is a rare beacon in a sea of avarice. He’s also got nice strong arms.
We also live in a vacuous age where politicians weep or grin on cue. Emotional incontinence has replaced the stiff upper lip and I suspect that Hitler would have had an easier time of it, had he waited a few decades. Foreign presidents marry super models and shove cigars where the sun doesn’t shine. Millions of youths’ only aspiration is to be given a good dressing down by Simon Cowell. Even the most avid Gordon hater has to admit that he is again, innocent on all these counts. I don’t want a grinning prime minister with a guitar in his cupboard. I want a gruff and dour man who enjoys a good spreadsheet. I want my prime minister to be more like Gladstone or Disraeli than Coco the Clown.
If history ends up telling us that quantitative easing and bank bailouts were decisive masterstrokes, I’ll leave my wife on the spot. Go Gordon!
Absolutely hysterical, love it! And you’re right about Gordon too, you’ve just got to stand back a bit and take stock.
Send the men in white coats with a new suit with very long sleeves and lots of buckles. Protect society from this man!
You may respect the integrity of Gordon Brown when surrounded by the current batch of political operators but it’s not love, Joseph, really it’s not. Talk to your GP before anyone else catches up with you. It’s for your own good.
I can see where you are coming from, Joseph. Although as is still said in Italy — of greed & incompetence – …….
‘Even that fat oaf Mussolini managed to get the trains to run on time!’