Andrew Punter

In a hole

The Right Hon Gordon Brown MP,
10 Downing Street,
London.
SW1A 2AA

Dear Prime Minister,

Watching the news recently I saw that there’s something called the ‘lender of last resort’. I gather that this service is offered by the Bank of England and any dealings have to be OK’d by the government.

So I thought I’d go straight to the organ-grinder with my request for a quick loan of £2 million.

I was made redundant just after the credit crunch struck and the old plastic has taken a bit of a beating ever since I maxed out on the overdraft.

I’ve now got bailiffs camped on the lawn and have to sneak out to get the shopping and deliver letters like this one.

I’m suffering from an embarrassed cash flow situation at present as all my money is invested in a tobacco and alcohol import/export VAT carousel business and the taxman has got it all frozen at the moment.

I’m now only hours away from repossession and homelessness so I thought I’d tap the country’s lender of last resort.

The loan will enable me to pay my council tax bill and settle the Inland Revenue account, which will keep me out of prison so saving the taxpayer the cost of my incarceration. It will also allow me to keep the house, one less repossession for the stats eh? With what’s leftover I can go on a well deserved break to Dubai and splash it about a bit thus helping the global economy to recover.

I’m good for the money, my mate’s got some inside info on the 3:30 at Chepstow and I buy ten quid’s worth of lottery tickets every week without fail. That coupled with my business should see me able to clear the loan in a matter of weeks.

Eagerly awaiting the money to do my bit for our economy.

Yours Sincerely,

Andy

A. Punter

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Tags: Comment, Dear Prime Minister, fun, letter to the PM, News

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