The Right Hon Gordon Brown MP,
10 Downing Street,
Dear Prime Minister,
Thank you for your enquiry of the 1st Oct.
It is heartening to see that you wish to remain at the forefront of politics into the future by remaining fully abreast with all developments at No 10 Downing Street.
As you see from the enclosed brochure we can supply and fit the whole range of eavesdropping, covert video surveillance and computer monitoring hardware and software that you could possible need.
You can cover all aspects from telephone listening, computer keystroke logging and real-time coverage of cabinet meetings to the personal such as ‘unusual’ bedroom activities. All in HD and Dolby Surround Sound.
We have recently added some major enhancements such as instant uploading to YouTube, Facebook, Friends Reunited and Twitter amongst many others.
In your letter you expressed concern about our ability to by-pass the current Downing Street security measures. To put your mind at rest I should tell you that we are the main supplier of this type of equipment and the corresponding bug detection systems to HMG. We also use the moonlighting services of many of the UK security forces. These people need the extra money to pay for the proper equipment from us, as the government always goes for the bargain basement options as they do in defence procurement. We are thus always one step ahead of official security forces.
You can see therefore that we have the personnel and equipment ready to provide you with unbroken surveillance of No 10 for many years to come. This will allow you to remain fully informed of developments for, as you put it, your ‘glorious return to power‘.
We do however have one question. Is the equipment you are looking to purchase, in addition to or as a replacement for, the even larger installation put in place by Tony Blair just before he left office?
We await your order.
One Stop Spy Shop