The game sold 4.7 million copies between The USA and the UK in 24 hours and this was not good news for the wives and partners of anyone who has bought the game.

Why? because it is the brilliant follow up to the greatest first person shooter of all time and men are locking themselves away to play it for weeks on end to achieve the highest rank on multi-player before they attempt the actual game missions.

This leaves some very disgruntled wives sitting around wondering when their men will return from their heroic campaigns in front of the games console/PC living on Pizza and cider.

Yes these brave heroes risk not their lives but their wives and marriages as reality and family life dissolves into a small black hole as the opening titles to the game appear on the screen.

It is only a matter of time before the wives and partners of 'gamers' go on their own multi-player mission and bomb the offices of the developers of such games.

The typical victim of the addiction to this game could happily watch his own children starve through neglect provided he can get the silencer upgrade for his weapon of choice.

This is normal behaviour for COD 4 part 2 addicts because, just like drug addicts, the game becomes all consuming. So wives and partners should adopt new methods to coax their loved ones away from the game.

The reward system is a winner when luring the COD addict away from the screen, there are many types of reward but the winners in this process all involve a little COD role play.

If you want to get the love of your life away from the game for some serious lovemaking then you must shout "Missile strike is now available in the bedroom" mimicking any one of the voices and accents on the game.

You may need a male friend to record their impersonation, however there is the likelihood that you won't be able to reach him because he is also playing COD.

Many a COD widow has tried the neck rub and whispering "I love you" into the ear during a domination match only to be told to go away until after the game has finished.

There are clubs, forums and a Facebook page all for the Call of Duty widows to vent their anger and frustration at watching their husbands and partners turn their back at family life in exchange for a video game.

But there is hope out there, it seems that the addiction only lasts until he has reached the highest level on multi-player and and customised all weapons after finishing the campaign.

In a nutshell, he must complete the game on-line and off-line so it could be an idea to encourage him to play the game as much as possible then you swan off to Spain with some friends for a fortnight to party like mad.

This is a dangerous time for the Call of Duty widow for she may feel the urge to stray and even replace the useless oaf that she has left behind in Blighty for a well tanned Spaniard who will whisk her off her feet and give her the attention that she is sadly lacking at home.

However this may be a bad decision all round for two reasons.

Her beloved back in Britain will eventually come to his senses after completing the game and apologise with some serious grovelling and making up to do. The widow may be losing out on a great opportunity to exploit the grief of her man and get at least three shopping trips out of him.

The second reason is that if she thinks that her Spaniard lover is immune the Call of Duty addiction then think again, most of the voices you will hear on COD are from abroad and many a Franco has given me a sneaky one between the eyes.

I think this article should reassure the Call of Duty widow, until the next COD instalment from Infinity Ward.


COD = Call of Duty

Call of Duty Widow = someone who has lost their husband to the game

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