Getting people to vote is easy

Now, how do we get the great unwashed to take a proper interest in politics and then take the extra step and vote? How many times have we all heard the phrase “I don’t do politics!” Usually spouted as some sort of high minded mantra by a loud mouthed beer swilling git. These people then parade their refusal to vote as a badge of honour.

Tough on stench, but not the causes of stench

This special ‘stench squad’ forms part of a government drive to remove disgusting odours from British Life.

The two main stenches will be targeted and then removed with extreme prejudice.

The first to be dealt with by the new squad will be the stench of corruption. “The stench of corruption now pervades many areas of our life” said the Minister of Stench, Lord Mandelson “Banking, senior NHS managers pay and even that shining light of democracy the Palace of Westminster are in the frame.” he continued.

The Future is Coloured Green

Jaguar Land Rover today welcomed the government’s offer of a grant of up to £27M for the production of a new green car.

Their spokesman, Robert Greene said that it heralded a return to the roots of both original companies, if not the history of the mass produced car.

Estate Agents Take LSD To Alter Reality Of Housing Market

In attempt to beat the crash estate agents have resorted to taking large quantities of LSD to alter the housing market.
Potential buyers are being spiked before viewings in order to make the asking price seem more reasonable.