A message from beyond this earthly plain to our Prime Minister.

Kaiser Wilhelm II

The Right Hon Gordon Brown MP,
10 Downing Street,

Dear Prime Minister,

I see your caught up in a spot of bother with the up and coming general election, I was caught up in a spot of bother once, which you may of heard of commonly known as World War One.

It was all a bit bit of a silly misunderstand and lead to a couple of million deaths which is down to their own clumsiness by getting in the way of a passing bullet or artillery shell so all in all I blame the soldiers for not looking where they were going.

Now Gordon your spot of bother I believe is down to a the public's complete sense of dissatisfaction with your government and the way it has handled both the economic crisis and removed personal freedoms in the name of protecting the people of Britain from themselves.

I would say there is nothing to worry about and there is nothing like a good old fashioned war to sort the problem out and unify a divided country. But it seems both your and your predecessor  have already tried that and you couldn't even get that right so you may be in a real trouble.

But despair not, all is not lost.

Over here in the after-life I have been in consultation with a chap who was a pretty damn good soldier serving for me on the front line who also got into a spot of bother. Although a lowly corporal you may of heard of him and he also loved to spend time in a bunker and was a also once a chancellor. You have so much in common with Mr Hitler and he sends his regards onto you.

He is a little miffed that you have single handedly managed to divide Britain with greater success than he did even after bombing the daylights out of your country.

So what I suggest is let David Cameron win the general election and let him do all the necessary cuts to public spending to bring the country back on track which he will be hated for because public sector employees will revolt and re-elect you in the following election.

I guess this is already your plan and a scorched earth policy works pretty well, just ask any historical tyrant.

I await your reply with a silly pointed hat on my head.

Kaiser Wilhelm II

p.s. send my love to my family in Buckingham Palace.

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