A message from beyond the grave from a mythical character of old and I don't mean Captain Birdseye.
The Right Hon Gordon Brown MP,
10 Downing Street,
Dear Prime Minister,
What have you done? my reputation is in ruins because of you and I am now an outcast in the after life with my status reduced to the level of a nobody and its all your fault.
My wish granted byÂ Dionysus indeed did cost me greatly but at least I have been remembered for it and I must remember to be careful what I wish for ( A lesson I think you yourself have learnt after wishing to be PM for so long). And never bring a drunk into your house and look after him….look what happened to me thanks to Silenus, mind you Thatcher didn't seem to concerned with Denis under the roof of No10.
Prime Minister we have something in common, we change whatever we touch but in very different ways and it is these differences that need to be brought to the surface and put in intoÂ proper historical context or my good reputation will be irretrievable.
As you are probably aware my curse was anything I touched turned gold instantly andÂ led to much sexual frustration (David Beckham wasn't the first man to be called golden balls) and misery for myself but my lands prospered due to the wealth I created everyday just by touching things.
I would walk through my kingdom and touch every inanimate object I could find which then turned into gold ad the people of my country benefited with the ample gold I gave them.
You however do not have such a good reputation with gold.
Like myself your fame is also down to your ability to alter the nature and fate of everything you touch or rather everything you endorse, because everything you endorse fails spectacularly.
Do you have any idea what its like for me walking around the after life hearing people sayÂ "Oh he has the Brown touch"? as a term of ridicule for someone who has a run of bad luck, when for what seems like an eternity my name was traditionally used in that sentence.
Having donkey ears (The Gods really had fun with me) was always compensated by my notoriety thanks to my famous misfortunes whilst incarnated.
All I had was the Midas touch as a consolation for my curse whilst I was alive………….now I must contend with "the Brown touch" which isÂ more commonplace in conversation than "Excuse me sir, do you know where the toilet is?"
Prime Minister you have taken away the one thing that made me anybody. Who will remember me now that the one thing that made me famous has been hijacked by yourself you useless idiot.
Please endorse the Lisbon treaty will all the gusto you can manage and don't forget to give the Labour campaign your full support in the lead up to the general election.
I await your reply whilst praying for archeological evidence to confirmÂ my existence.