Somewhere Right of Centre
The Right Hon Gordon Brown MP,
10 Downing Street,
Dear Prime Minister,
I have just received our national recruitment stats showing where we (the BNP) are recruiting our new members from and to our surprise its from you Prime Minister. Every time you criticise us we gain 2 thousand new members, its quite remarkable.
What we are asking for is yourself and myself pitted against each other on next week's Question Time in a full and heated debate. I will say anything you like to make us unpopular in your eyes…oops eye and after a full hour of you telling the nation exactly what you think of the BNP we will hopefully have won the respect and support of the entire nation.
And speaking of eyes, after the show I was wondering if we could swap eyes? The reason being it would save changing the retinal clearance on all scanners within Whitehall and all other top secret facilities in the UK making my transition to Prime Minister after the show a smoother affair altogether.
Is it true though that the eye has spacial powers and has been handed down from the Roman soldier who pierced Christ's side with a spear to make sure he was dead? Legend has it the unfortunate soldier lost his eye later on that day when an enraged hamster fell from the sky and ripping his eye out after being swept across continents by a freak storm which had left the hamster a little angry.
I have heard that 3 days later the Soldier managed to pick up a glass eye from a traveling eye maker who was also aÂ Christian and had recognised the Roman from his part in the death of his Messiah 3 days earlier.
So he cursed the eye to bring out a mans deepest hidden faults for all the world to see and a week after inserting his new glass eye the soldier died after his fault was revealed. His particular fault was having a love of the limelight so he decided toÂ enter the Roman version of X-factor which involved a lot of Lions and men with Swords and nets.
It would explain much if you are in possession of The Eye Of Destiny…..It must have brought out the useless, incompetent, lyingÂ prat inside of you and many in my party at the grass roots Nazi level are looking forward to me wearing The Eye Of Power for a reason that I can't quite work out.
I await your reply with one hand raised and outstretched in a very high salute.