A message from the H1N1 virus to Gordon Brown.
H1N1 Flu Virus
In the air (very) near You
The Right Hon Gordon Brown MP,
10 Downing Street,
Dear Prime Minister,
I am sure you cannot believe your luck in receiving a message from the one entity in creation other than yourselfÂ that no one wants to come close to.
I was going to come and meet you personally but I was talking to my friend the HIV virus over a coffee the other day and he said I should be very careful about meeting yourself just in case I caught a touch of the Gordon virus.
The Gordon virusÂ is much feared amongst theÂ viral community and said to have killed more people than myself, HIV and Ebola (Yes Gordon you pushed for war with Iraq and Afghanistan and believe it or not civilians actually died…check the stats for yourself) so you're considered a little too dangerous to be in close proximity with.
Anyway down to business , we in the viral community would like to offer you an honorary award as a pandemic killer. We would like to categoriseÂ you as a putrid, scheming, vile variation of the Labour virus.
We are of course worried about who should present you with the award and we felt that the bubonic plague would be the most likely candidate seeing as he has been rendered harmless by simple antibiotics.
Therefore with the bubonic plague in his last days, it seemed fair thatÂ if he were to catch a dose of the Gordon's at least he will have served his community well over the past few hundred years and we hope that he will pass over his mantle to yourself,. After all he has killed 200 million worldwide over the centuries and we in the viral community have very high hopes for you Prime Minister to more than match that figure providing you can kill anyone with half a brain before the next general election.
Please give our best wishes to Tony Blair. If he does lower himself to come and visit you can you pass on a message for me?
Please thank him on my behalfÂ for allowing his friends in the World Health Organisation for sanctioning the creation and release of myself through one of their affiliate labs in Mexico.
They have already admitted to releasing different viral concoctions on the population via sponsored labs and approves the release on a yearly basis of different manufactured viruses pending the request for release by the different WHO affiliate Labs to the WHO. It was so lovely to know where I came from after doing a little research.
So please get in touch with me as soon as you can to be properly pigeon holed for correct historical categorisation, just in case some future Labour supporter decides to file you under some inappropriateÂ and preposterously inaccurateÂ category i.e.Â a human being who did his best for the interests of his fellow countrymen.
I await your reply whilst mutating.
Yours faithfully doing my job as planned.