The Right Hon Gordon Brown MP,
10 Downing Street,
Dear Prime Minister,
I have hit upon a wizard wheeze that will almost ensure our victory at the next election. I expect a big promotion for this idea.
This proposal, if taken up, will double Labour Party exposure in our constituencies over the coming months. It will be like having twice as many MPs as we have really got.
As you know I have run a constituency office in Falkirk's Burnfoot Lane since 2000.
But now I have also opened up a new office in Denny, which is about 6 miles away!
So I now have permanent presence in both areas, which can only be good for the party.
Now if every Labour MP quickly did this before the opposition got wind of the idea it would give us a great advantage in the upcoming General Election.
I know that Alex Salmond and Pete Wishart both already maintain two offices, so this means no-one can complain. They may try to use the fact that I have been named as the ‘most expensive MP‘ this year, but that was money very well spent!
This initiative will though boost local employment as we will all need more staff.
I will of course be doubling my Â£187,000 expenses claims to cover this but I think you will agree that this is a paltry amount and the right time to be investing in this sort of enterprise. It shows the electorate how much we really care about them and the hard earned money they put into taxes.
Eric Joyce MP