Tony Hayward now has a fifth front on which to fight BP’s oil spill war.

But this front is a personal one and nothing really to do with BP. Mr Hayward has been spotted on board his boat “Bob” in a yacht race off the coast of the Isle of Wight.

Coming after his comments that he wanted his life back he has been charged with being tone deaf to the mood in America regarding BP.

President Obama’s Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, said to ABC television “Well, to quote Tony Hayward, he’s got his life back, as he would say. And I think we can all conclude that Tony Hayward is not going to have a second career in PR consulting. This has just been part of a long line of PR gaffes and mistakes.”

So that’s it then, a PR mistake. Can it be proved that the recovery or oil spill is being held back by his absence from a desk, especially with the advent of modern instantaneous communications? It seems the US public want him chained to his desk.

Well, I’ve devised a PR toolkit for all those senior executives that end up under fire in the public arena. These items to be used until the problem(s) are solved.

Hair shirt – for wearing in public at all times.

Flail – to be carried and used constantly for self flagellation when being questioned by congress or press.

Bed of Nails – to be publicly installed at home and old one removed and burnt.

Large spike (portable) – to be placed on all seats the executive uses.

Diet to consist only of bread and water.

Ball and chain.

All contact with their family to cease.

Front and back placards to be worn in public with the word ‘SORRY!’ on them.

Stocks to be fitted to the roof of their chauffeur driven car so people can throw rotten vegetables at them whilst they are driven to and from work.

Then at least the perceived guilty party can be seen to be punished without the need for the outcomes of any boring investigations or criminal proceedings.

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