He is Mr Talent show and she is Miss Make-Up so together they could pool their resources and start a new talent show for make-up artists called Britain's Got Foundation.

Yet again the man who gave our nation many cultural delights such as Xfactor is in the headlines because of the universally shocking news that he may have a girlfriend.

Is this news of vital importance for civilisation and the future of mankind which prepares the soul for death and coping with life's many distressing ordeals?

Errrrm no it doesn't but it could be good news for the arts.

"Why is this good for the arts?" I hear you ask. Well if Simon Cowell is otherwise engaged and caught by cupid's arrow he may decide to finish making television shows and retire so he can spend quality time with his new love then settle down to domestic bliss.

It should be made almost statutory that any person who encounter's Mezhagan should try and persuade her to use her womanly charms and exert influence over Simon Cowell's terrible career choice so he can explore other avenues such as becoming a hermit or goat herder in outer Mongolia.


I can't be too hard on the chap because he has made himself useful in bringing together lots of famous singers for the new charity single for Haiti and that in my book makes his right to consume the planet's oxygen justifiable but his influence on our society must now be challenged by learned men and women who will lead us into a golden era of artistic expression.

OK that is probably not going to happen, however if one dreams big one may actualise big.

But the man is still domineering the charts with his karaoke kings and queens filling the airwaves with a musical virus which is so potent that Ebola (which, for the benefit of Xfactor viewers with diminished intelligence, is also a virus) is killed instantly if exposed to the tripe music of one of Simon Cowell's artists.

Mezhgan Hussainy, the future music is in your hands, do whatever it takes prevent this man from leaving the house and appearing in front of a camera ever again. Watch the film 'Misery' and you may get a few ideas.



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