Sven Doobie wants to be a drugs Czar
The Right Hon Gordon Brown MP,
10 Downing Street,
Dear Prime Minister,
I note with interest that our colonial brothers over in the States are now allowed to take cannabis in a specially designated emporium in Portland Oregon for purely medicinal purposes. The building was converted from an immoral club called ‘Rumpspankers’ into a tasteful Cannabis Cafe.
As we in the UK eventually follow the US in what we do, can we also look forward to having a local place where one can enjoy a quiet joint without unwarranted nose poking by plod?
As an expert in the cultivation, harvesting, production and distribution of said substances I would like to put myself forward as the 'Spliff Czar' and lead the way for marijuana to take its rightful place as one of the great medicines of our time. I have qualifications to confirm my expertise from several national and two international police forces as well as several courts. I have also graduated from an enforced 3 year 'introductory course' in HMP Reading and the advanced 5 year 'post-graduate' module in HMP Belmarsh. (Who says you can't learn something useful in prison?) References are available on request.
My own personal use of the odd joint (amongst other things) also makes me extremely well qualified for the role. Apart from this wealth of experience I also have a huge number of contacts at home and abroad all of whom would, I’m sure, be more than happy to assist.
I have advanced ideas for seminars, classes and practical lessons on how to take the drug for best effect. There will also be drug themed school visiting days, pensioner discounts and family friendly facilities.
Then of course there is the huge tax-take available once the drug is de-criminalised within these clubs, over which I, as the Spliff Czar, should have full control.
I think you will see this as a win-win proposal and, as I pointed out at the start, whatever happens in the US eventually happens here.
Expecting your letter of acceptance by return of post.