The world of music is waiting with great anticipation for the release of Peter Andre's new musical masterpiece that will consist of love songs by other artists and a few of his own.
This Magnum Opus will be released in time for Valentine's Day to ensure it actually sells more copies than the promotional giveaways. Radio DJs across the country will give Andre's new album the maximum exposure for the general public to fall in love to.
I like Peter Andre, he comes across as a decent sort of chap who is a great father. He is also recovering from the very public break up of his marriage to Katie price (Jordan) and that is a painful journey in life for anyone, so I wish him all the best.
But I just wish some musical genius could take poor Peter under their wing and extract some of the pain inside Peter and use it to create a great musical work instead of the wishy-washy tripe he comes out with.
Peter Andre can sing and his pitch is excellent but its always a bland lukewarm musical accompaniment that follows his voice so he needs to sit down with a few drop outs around a campfire getting wrecked and shaking off the plastic Peter and metamorphosis into the real Peter Andre.
He is a sensitive bloke and that needs to his strength and not his weakness so if there is some band of travelling hippies with flowers in their hair somewhere in the Brighton area, please can you pick up a lost artist so he can have his own catharsis on his own road to Damascus, because at the moment he is on the way to Amarillo.
Sorry if that seems harsh but as I said I have respect for the man and I believe he has something to offer the world of music. He may sell albums on his fame but unfortunately he needs some grit and that comes from experience and not a distorted guitar.
Get him to team up with Thom York for a month then send him onto Nick Cave for 3 weeks followed by 12 months in the studio with Brian Eno and Andy Partridge.
That should do it!