The Right Hon Gordon Brown MP,
10 Downing Street,
Dear Prime Minister,
I refer you to the case of R v Renate Bowling.
The background to this vicious case is that the accused, a 71 year-old disabled female, was found guilty of the following offences against my client, a 17 year old fit male who cannot be named for legal reasons:
1. Chasing down my client with intent whilst driving a zimmer frame in a dangerous manner.
2. Talking loudly to my client.
3. Poking my client in the chest to such an extent that, had she had sharp nails, she might have left an indentation in my client’s hoodie jacket.
4. Repeatedly calling the police out against my client on a number of occasions over the preceding months just because he threw stones at her house.
May I congratulate you Prime Minister, on creating a state where people like my client can go about their enjoyments without hindrance of the normal law abiding citizens and, in the process keep my fees coming in.
The one disappointment I have is that the Chairman of the Bench, Barry Birch, refused to award compensation to my client for the obvious distress this has caused him. I believe the law should be amended to make it compulsory for large awards in these types of cases.
I look forward to many more New Labour initiatives that will further confuse the morals and common sense of the land, making the job of the lawyer (and politician) far more lucrative.
Yours in anticipation,