Office of The Baroness Scotland of Asthal, PC, QC

The Right Hon Gordon Brown MP,
10 Downing Street,

Dear Gay,

Thank you so much for your support over my last few difficult days.

It is so gratifying to have someone of your undoubted stature behind me in my hour of need.

Not that this should be my hour of need!

I am a law maker, not a law abider. The law is there to defend the proles from the untrustworthy. I am a QC and a Minister of the Crown as well as a Peer. I therefore have the most impeccable qualifications of trustworthiness. The law as I wrote it should therefore not apply to me.

I am offended that, as a black female, after I have fought long and hard to get to the top I now have to battle against people who stupidly think I should be subject to the same laws as they are.

I am also appalled that some junior upstart minister has decided to resign in protest at my staying on. How could you let such a travesty take place? Who is Hesford anyway? I now have to deal with the problem for a whole 24 hours, generally the length of time the stupid public’s corporate memory lasts. Then I can get back to my business as usual. I have also been forced to hire another minion. I am currently teaching her to read and write English. School education is obviously not what it was. It’s almost like she was a Johnny foreigner.

Anyway, I don’t know why I am bothering you with this. You’re a zombie PM. I’d be better off talking to Miliband! But I still can’t get the picture of him in school shorts out of my mind.

Yours as ever,

Pattie, XXXXXX

Patricia Scotland QC

p.s. you missed my 39th birthday on the 19th August you naughty boy.

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