It seems that Ladbrokes, the bookies, have had to slash their odds against there being alien life ‘out there’.

This came after the crossbencher and President of the Royal Society Lord Rees of Ludlow declared that the chance of the discovery of alien life was greater than it has ever been. This has now been endorsed by the Prime Minister and the odds stand at only 1,000 to 1 against.

This is all part of a two day conference in London to address such questions as:

What do aliens look like?

Are they like us or more like Sci-Fi film monsters?

How do we tell the Sheeple about them without causing world-wide panic?

Well let’s look on the bright side, this opens up whole new avenues for ‘inward investment’. There will also of course be openings for immigrants as multi-armed surgeons, alien mind readers for law enforcement and troll-like beings to do the heavy lifting. Maybe they’ll bring some helpful robots with them too.

Maybe the import of some rare minerals like Kryptonite would help too.

Of course there would have to be free housing and benefits as well as help for those seeking asylum from Ming the Merciless and Jabba the Hutt.

I also foresee social integration programmes for the Daleks and Cyber Men as well as special housing erected for the Ood.

But, as we all know, there are many aliens already living within our midst. These monsters have exercised massive influence over our lives and they have successfully distorted and bent our values and thoughts to their own ends.

They walk openly amongst us spouting their poison, preparing us for a future that is alien to the rest of us. They prepare us for a future ruled by a people far removed from the ordinary human being. They are hideous, evil and, as we all know, are better known as John Redwood, Peter Mandelson and Boris Johnson.

Can you identify and report any others?

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