This special ‘stench squad’ forms part of a government drive to remove disgusting odours from British Life.
The two main stenches will be targeted and then removed with extreme prejudice.
The first to be dealt with by the new squad will be the stench of corruption. “The stench of corruption now pervades many areas of our life” said the Minister of Stench, Lord Mandelson “Banking, senior NHS managers pay and even that shining light of democracy the Palace of Westminster are in the frame.” he continued.
It is hoped that by targeting the stench of corruption, the corruption itself will be harder to detect. That way there will be less apparent corruption so British life will appear corruption free. “The way to do this is greatly reduce regulation over the relevant areas” said The Minister of Stench “that way there is less to investigate hence less stench.”
The first trials of this technique will be in Westminster where the MPs will get an immediate increase in pay to Â£100,000 p.a. and loss of expenses. “Now once the expenses in their current form are removed, there is no more stench.” said the Lord of Stench. “Then we quietly re-introduce expenses but with absolutely no rules, once again no stench. Clever eh?”
The other main stench the squad will combat is the stench caused by recycling. “When you recycle old stuff it has to be stored for a period then processed and that can be a smelly business” said the Stench Lord “Our problem is the stench of recycled old EU laws and regulations.”
It transpires that these EU laws and regulations are storing up in Westminster causing a right old stink as people examine them, complain about them and while they are processed into bright brand spanking new smelling of roses UK law.
At present, they have managed to keep this stench mainly to a level where you only detect it if you are looking for it. But it gets harder to suppress the gagging stink by the day. “This process is taking far too long.” said the Stench Lord “We are desperate for a way to remove this stench before it gets out into the rest of the country.”
New procedures are therefore being brought into play where the law does not actually need re-processing at all. All EU law will be law in the UK the moment it is made. “That way there is no recycling, so no stench!” said the Stench Lord proudly.
Scientific study has also recently discovered that the stench from both corruption and recycled EU rubbish is greatly magnified when a spotlight is thrown on them. “These new procedures will remove the need for any spotlights as there will be nothing to look at.” finished the Stench Lord. “We will have a society free from the stenches of corruption and recycled EU law.”
Originally posted 12/04/2009