In a poll commissioned by spectacles for ethereal walnuts, Vince Cable the Liberal Democrat's proves he isn't a shadow of his former Elf chancellor and has been voted the country's best looking bloke.

The people surveyed comprised of woodland folk and unemployed pixies aged between 38 and 2700 years of age but all were in agreement that Vince is what made their hearts beat that little bit faster.

This news only goes to boost the Liberal Democrats  and their bid for power.

Peter Gruffleboat the 3rd who is editor of the Ogre Gay Times already has a centre-fold special election erection in the pipeline that features Vince in some of his more alluring poses outside the House of Commons.

"We are hopeful Mr Cable will be able to attend our annual Ogre Gay Parade where he will be made guest of honour, he may be a self serving little git to the rest of the country but for us in the Gay Ogre Community he holds a special place in our hearts and bedrooms walls" said Mr Gruffleboat.

There is a darker side though to Vince's status as a sex symbol.


Lucy Lavender-Breeze, an Imp from the west country has been arrested on several occasions for stalking Mr Cable who has denied allegations he used to prance naked around the camp-fire with her 250 years ago whilst under the influence of mead and smoking something strange rolled by a badger.

But since attending counselling from the furry creatures in nut wood, Ms Lavender-Breeze of no fixed address (unless you call a hollowed out tree stump a home) has found peace and no longer pines for Mr Cable with whom she claims infatuation since the Magna Carta, but only started seeing him after their eyes met during a fishing trip with King George II.

Mr Cable is said to be most flattered at the results of the poll and has promised to do a swimwear special for The  Leaves and Droppings (a fashion magazine for fairies) as way of thanking all his newly found fans in the woods and caves for the way they have welcomed him into lives and accepted him as one their own.

"I don't know who is the hottest" said Fifi Lemonanckles, "it's between Vince and Wandle Windyropeknot (The Pixie King's chancellor and Pixie hearthrob)".

Members of the other political parties were unavailable to comment and instead turned their heads and walked away with their tails between their legs.

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