Glastonbury is now open with Gorillaz and Muse amongst many top names playing at this year's Glastonbury Festival and our brave and free youth will descend on those sacred fields ready to party to the extreme just like their parents and grandparents before them.

But the question that is on everyone's lips isn't about who is playing on what stage and where can you buy the best quality food and drugs.

The question is where can I buy an umbrella?

Glastonbury is notorious for becoming a mud bath when the heavens break and one might think this would detract from the entertainment but far from it. As much as an inconvenience as it is, mud is also great fun and quite liberating when covered from head to toe in the stuff.

I have fond memories of being covered head to toe in a combination of mud and cow dung frolicking around dancing and singing at the top of Glastonbury Tor and it never did me and harm.

Dizzee Rascal and Florence and the Machine and Gorillaz will perform on Friday and, according to the weathermen, it's going to be fine weather all weekend.

But.

I have heard that before.


Yes I was told it will be fine weather at the festival only to wake after a night of bong hogging in my tent in what felt like a birthing experience. When I finally emerged from my tent I was a new man.

I was mud man!

Mud man arose amongst the other mud men and women of the once green field. We were no longer the same, we were transformed into the mud people never to be the same again because we had been improved by our rebirth in mud.

OK that sounds a little bonkers but you had to be there.

I have since shaken off my muddy persona (In fact that was washed off as soon as I got into a shower) and now live a normal life as do all the other mud people who actually get washed but I do fear that many will miss out on the wonderful experience of being covered from head to toe in Mother Earth.

Some people pay hundreds of pounds to get covered in the muck, so if you're missing out on Glastonbury this year, go and dig your garden then get a watering can and poor it on the soil.

Then dive in.

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